Today was slower, and it was really nice.
Things have been a bit of a whirlwind these few months since I last updated. I am currently living at home and taking classes at our local community college. I've applied to a university in WA, where my boyfriend lives and am intending, as of now, to move up there at the end of June. This is most certainly a time of transition for my family. It is also a time of financial stress.
Three weeks ago, on my birthday, my mom was costing down the driveway and accidentally hit one of my dad's students. My mom was only going about 6-7 mph, but our driveway is at a slant, which caused the student to fall forward and skid across the street, leaving huge, bloody gashes on her arms, as well as a decent gouge on her hip. She was taken to the hospital. My family is covering her initial medical costs so as to not file a "bodily injury" claim on our insurance. That would be undesirable, to say the least!
Last week, my dad was battling with our cable company. They claimed that we were not up to date with our bill, even though we were and my dad had the documentation to prove it. My dad clicked the remote to watch the news one evening, only to discover that the cable company had shut off our TV. Completely. After a week of hassling, haggling, faxing forms and attempting to hold off boiling tempers, my dad finally paid the outstanding bill, even though he didn't owe it.
Two days ago, my sister hyperventilated at school while attempting to run the mile for her fitness test. She gracefully collapsed, and then passed out. A mom who was on the campus freaked out and called 911. Sister would have been fine if a paper bag had been placed over her mouth, for she was simply low on carbon dioxide. But since she was taken to the emergency room, the staff ran a slew of tests and kept her there for 4 hours. We are all very grateful that Sister is healthy and back to her usual, vivacious self. We are also trying to figure out how we're going to off-set all these costs that have arisen.
God is faithful. He has never failed us, and since His track record is 100%, I have no reason to believe that He ever will.
Ah, but just because I have no reason, however, does not mean that my brain and heart do not flip out every (three minutes) now and again.
My brain can't even process the proper vernacular to type out coherent words that would tell you all God has been showing and teaching me these last few months. Beautiful, difficult, heart-breaking, soul-changing things. Being within God's will is many things, but one thing it will certainly NEVER be is dull. I'm learning to listen. I'm learning to serve in every moment. I'm learning humility. I'm learning patience. I'm learning forgiveness. I'm learning to not be afraid.
Sister is auditioning for an acting troupe tonight. She has mentioned (many times) how nervous she was, and I told her that if she didn't feel ready, she didn't have to audition now. She looked at me with all the incredulity a 15 year-old can muster, and said "I have to try. I shouldn't not try things just because I'm afraid."
In so many ways, she is wise beyond her years. Her words cut me to the heart. I've been slowly realizing how afraid I've been all my life. I'm a classic worry-wart. I've let so many God-given opportunities pass me by over the years for the base-reason of being afraid. Afraid of change. Afraid of being hurt. Afraid of rejection. Afraid for others. Afraid of success. Afraid of not being enough.
With the advent of moving 1200 miles away from my family and the only life I've ever known being merely 2ish months away, there are many fears circling through my head, some rational and some purely emotional: will I find a good job up there? will my family feel like I'm abandoning them? will my friendships survive? will I find good, Godly friends who will pour into me and that I can pour into? will I truly be able to adjust to massive amounts of rain?
I don't know, I simply don't know. And I'm learning that it's ok to be uncertain.
I'm also learning so much about humility. About genuinely placing other's needs before my own. God made it very clear to me when He told me to withdraw from Biola that this time of transition and living at home was to also be a time of serving and honoring my family. My mom works and has multiple rehearsals every day, so I cook dinner and keep the house (manageable) clean. I try to make sure my sister gets her homework done, even though she informs me, as she effortlessly maintains 15 instant messages, that it is "none of my beeswax". Ah, I do love Sister, but I don't miss being a teenager at ALL.
One of my favorite quotes that has personified my life so many times is once again more than apt:
"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in the bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom" ~Anais Nin
I am every day striving to blossom and grow, to work toward that which Christ saved me for and has called me to be. It's hard. Some days, I feel like I haven't grown at all. I'm often grumpy and dishonoring to my parents. I often snap at my sister and am insensitive to her hurts. I'll give my boyfriend the "silent treatment" when he doesn't telepathically read my mind like I wish he would, but know he can't. There are days when I'm preparing for bed and I realize that I haven't turned to God at all in that day. I'm a broken, ordinary person who is called to love, and it's not easy.
And yet there are days when His grace is tangible. Days when it's easier to make the right choices, to keep my mouth shut rather than start an argument, to serve joyfully rather than with grumbling, and to abide in His presence with consistency. I'm learning, slowly learning.
And no matter how difficult it gets, I know that it's worth it.
"But we continue to preach because we have the same kind of faith the psalmist had when he said, “I believed in God, so I spoke.” We know that God, who raised the Lord Jesus, will also raise us with Jesus and present us to himself together with you. All of this is for your benefit. And as God’s grace reaches more and more people, there will be great thanksgiving, and God will receive more and more glory.That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever." ~ 2 Cor. 4:13-18
Isn't it so cool that the purpose of troubles is to produce glory for us? That's definitely something I'm ok to cling to. =)
p.s. There's some rather inspiring, Godly woman whose blogs I've been following. MckMama and Angie - I've only been reading your blogs for the past few days, but what strength and encouragment your words of wisdom and truth have given me. I thank my God for you both.
Things have been a bit of a whirlwind these few months since I last updated. I am currently living at home and taking classes at our local community college. I've applied to a university in WA, where my boyfriend lives and am intending, as of now, to move up there at the end of June. This is most certainly a time of transition for my family. It is also a time of financial stress.
Three weeks ago, on my birthday, my mom was costing down the driveway and accidentally hit one of my dad's students. My mom was only going about 6-7 mph, but our driveway is at a slant, which caused the student to fall forward and skid across the street, leaving huge, bloody gashes on her arms, as well as a decent gouge on her hip. She was taken to the hospital. My family is covering her initial medical costs so as to not file a "bodily injury" claim on our insurance. That would be undesirable, to say the least!
Last week, my dad was battling with our cable company. They claimed that we were not up to date with our bill, even though we were and my dad had the documentation to prove it. My dad clicked the remote to watch the news one evening, only to discover that the cable company had shut off our TV. Completely. After a week of hassling, haggling, faxing forms and attempting to hold off boiling tempers, my dad finally paid the outstanding bill, even though he didn't owe it.
Two days ago, my sister hyperventilated at school while attempting to run the mile for her fitness test. She gracefully collapsed, and then passed out. A mom who was on the campus freaked out and called 911. Sister would have been fine if a paper bag had been placed over her mouth, for she was simply low on carbon dioxide. But since she was taken to the emergency room, the staff ran a slew of tests and kept her there for 4 hours. We are all very grateful that Sister is healthy and back to her usual, vivacious self. We are also trying to figure out how we're going to off-set all these costs that have arisen.
God is faithful. He has never failed us, and since His track record is 100%, I have no reason to believe that He ever will.
Ah, but just because I have no reason, however, does not mean that my brain and heart do not flip out every (three minutes) now and again.
My brain can't even process the proper vernacular to type out coherent words that would tell you all God has been showing and teaching me these last few months. Beautiful, difficult, heart-breaking, soul-changing things. Being within God's will is many things, but one thing it will certainly NEVER be is dull. I'm learning to listen. I'm learning to serve in every moment. I'm learning humility. I'm learning patience. I'm learning forgiveness. I'm learning to not be afraid.
Sister is auditioning for an acting troupe tonight. She has mentioned (many times) how nervous she was, and I told her that if she didn't feel ready, she didn't have to audition now. She looked at me with all the incredulity a 15 year-old can muster, and said "I have to try. I shouldn't not try things just because I'm afraid."
In so many ways, she is wise beyond her years. Her words cut me to the heart. I've been slowly realizing how afraid I've been all my life. I'm a classic worry-wart. I've let so many God-given opportunities pass me by over the years for the base-reason of being afraid. Afraid of change. Afraid of being hurt. Afraid of rejection. Afraid for others. Afraid of success. Afraid of not being enough.
With the advent of moving 1200 miles away from my family and the only life I've ever known being merely 2ish months away, there are many fears circling through my head, some rational and some purely emotional: will I find a good job up there? will my family feel like I'm abandoning them? will my friendships survive? will I find good, Godly friends who will pour into me and that I can pour into? will I truly be able to adjust to massive amounts of rain?
I don't know, I simply don't know. And I'm learning that it's ok to be uncertain.
I'm also learning so much about humility. About genuinely placing other's needs before my own. God made it very clear to me when He told me to withdraw from Biola that this time of transition and living at home was to also be a time of serving and honoring my family. My mom works and has multiple rehearsals every day, so I cook dinner and keep the house (manageable) clean. I try to make sure my sister gets her homework done, even though she informs me, as she effortlessly maintains 15 instant messages, that it is "none of my beeswax". Ah, I do love Sister, but I don't miss being a teenager at ALL.
One of my favorite quotes that has personified my life so many times is once again more than apt:
"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in the bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom" ~Anais Nin
I am every day striving to blossom and grow, to work toward that which Christ saved me for and has called me to be. It's hard. Some days, I feel like I haven't grown at all. I'm often grumpy and dishonoring to my parents. I often snap at my sister and am insensitive to her hurts. I'll give my boyfriend the "silent treatment" when he doesn't telepathically read my mind like I wish he would, but know he can't. There are days when I'm preparing for bed and I realize that I haven't turned to God at all in that day. I'm a broken, ordinary person who is called to love, and it's not easy.
And yet there are days when His grace is tangible. Days when it's easier to make the right choices, to keep my mouth shut rather than start an argument, to serve joyfully rather than with grumbling, and to abide in His presence with consistency. I'm learning, slowly learning.
And no matter how difficult it gets, I know that it's worth it.
"But we continue to preach because we have the same kind of faith the psalmist had when he said, “I believed in God, so I spoke.” We know that God, who raised the Lord Jesus, will also raise us with Jesus and present us to himself together with you. All of this is for your benefit. And as God’s grace reaches more and more people, there will be great thanksgiving, and God will receive more and more glory.That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever." ~ 2 Cor. 4:13-18
Isn't it so cool that the purpose of troubles is to produce glory for us? That's definitely something I'm ok to cling to. =)
p.s. There's some rather inspiring, Godly woman whose blogs I've been following. MckMama and Angie - I've only been reading your blogs for the past few days, but what strength and encouragment your words of wisdom and truth have given me. I thank my God for you both.
1 comment:
aw, Emily. Reading your post was inspirational. God IS faithful. He has called us to suffer like Christ, to be sanctified and increase in righteousness. It is good to see those things in your life. I am encouraged by your honesty and I am so very blessed by you, my dear friend. I am praying for you. My heart is with you, always, whether you're in California or in Washington.
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